"My Mother-In-Law is fat.  No, really fat.  The other day she was running for a bus and her thighs caught on fire..."  Phyllis Diller 

Did you know that Phyllis Diller was 37 years old the first time she walked onto a stage?  It's true.  This mother of five paved the way for every female comedian working today.  And she did it in the late 50's, when the term female comic didn't exist.  If she could do it then, YOU can do it NOW!

"I tell ya, I don't get no respect.  Today I got into a taxi and told the driver to take me where I could get some action.  He took me to my house! "

Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield was a comic when he was in his 20's but it didn't work out so he got out of the business and got into the housing siding business to make money.  Many years later, as a middle-aged man, after his kids were grown, he got back into stand-up with his comic persona "I don't get no respect".  The rest is comedy history.